Ok, so here is that sanity I was talking about.

So I am in a better mood. I know, I shouldn't let other stuff get to me so much. I need to stabilize my mood better.

Anyway lets enjoy it while it on an up shall we.

First of all, grandpa is continuing to improve. His doctor says he should be moving again in a couple of days. I can't remember where mom said they may move him but they might also move him to rehab. I think he is looking at about two weeks of that but right now we are just happy that we are talking rehab and not nursing home or worse. Mom is starting to brake though. She has got to get some rest. I couldn't take keeping up with grandpa and trying to stay on top of grandma too. They have had a couple of tense moments now and then but all and all I guess they are making it. It is looking like I am going to get to have a nice mothers day with mom. Dad will take me to Champaign to meet mom on the Saturday before. Uncle Steve and Aunt Lori are coming in on the Friday before so they will be with grandma and mom even said we might just spend the night in Champaign before we head back. That way she can get some real rest and we can have a little along time before going back in to the lions den.

Well, the reason for my good mood is only been partly explain up to this point. The rest of the reason is that God answers prayers every day, even about things that aren't that important. As you may already know I had a big test coming up. I had made D's on the first two in this class. While if I made a D on this one if would knock my grade down to a B for the class. Not too bad true, I mean that's whey I said it isn't that important. Anyway I had it all figured out and if I aced all the rest of my assignments I would have to get 50 out of 60 points to get my A. This was all figured out before everything happened with grandpa. When that all happened my whole study schedule went out the window. By the time we got back I had a little more then one day to read two and a half chapters and remember everything I read. Dad even said that if I applied myself and worked hard enough to get my A he would give me $100. Great more stress. So I worked my butt off and when the door opened to the classroom I had one chapter left. I had about an hour and it was a short chapter so I decided to go for it. I read as fast as I could and just about made it through, then it happened. Blackboard (the site we take our test through) went down. It stayed that way about 20 min. into class. Mike had already let two students that had finished there lab exams go saying that he didn't think it was coming back up and he would just post it when it did and we could take it at home there by making it an open book test. He took us down half an hour on the time but it still gave us a minute and a half per question. Anyway, when blackboard did come back up he said "oh, good, that means the rest of you can take now". The other girl in the class said what I was thinking, "but that gives the other guys an unfair advantage." Mike just made one of those "life isn't fair" kinds of statements, but it was too late. The girls one comment let loose a rumbling of complaints throughout the room. Everyone wanted to take it at home so after a few seconds of that Mike said "do you all really want to take it at home" and with a synchronicity that would make a nice sounding choir we all said YES!!! He called us weenies but said ok. With that about 30 pounds lifted off my shoulders. I finished my lab (which I aced by the way) got home and got a great nights sleep. Then I got up yesterday and took the test and made a 58, yea. I also got an assignment turned in that I had received an extension on. Thank goodness Gary was so reasonable. Well actually his name is Steve but it is an online class based out of Gary Indiana so somehow he just became Gary. Anyway I still have 3 finals but they won't be so bad. I am so happy to almost be done. I might even be done by Monday and have the whole week to get ready for my next trip.

The only bad thing is the dentist. I went last Thursday, today and I am going back tomorrow, all because I am about to lose insurance. It sucks and I am so tired of going but for now this should be the last visit for some time. I still have two teeth I need to have pulled but I don't care about that right now.

Anyway I have typed myself tired so I am going to bed.
Talk to yall later, love you guys.

So it kind of like the straw the broke the camels back only the straw was made out of lead.

Well, we are back home. I am tired as I get and just want to take a nap but right now I don't think that's an option.

Ok, so first the good news.
Grandpa was doing a lot better when we left yesterday and even sat up in a chair to eat lunch. Today they are moving him out of the ICU to intermediate care which to me is great progress. I don't know what is going to happen next but right now things seem to be moving in the right direction.

Now the rest. Mom is so tired, she has been going home at nights but can't get grandma to go with her. This is particularly bad because she keeps getting lost every time she goes to the bathroom so mom has to go with her to make sure she makes it back ok. Mom keeps saying how she would like to go out and get some real food instead of all these sandwiches and such but without someone there to watch after grandma she doesn't feel like she can be out that long. Meanwhile Uncle Steve has his hands full with all the financial stuff. It's a mess and I don't know how they are going to get it all worked out. At least Grandpa is corporating with him. He has always been very privet with that stuff and we were afraid we were going to have a fight on our hands.

So as for what's going on here, well, I have one day to study for my biggest final of them all which makes me kind of mad because for some unexplained reason Mike is giving his final one week early. I am trying to get this stuff crammed into my head as fast as I can but still have 2 and a half chapters to get through. I hate that I can't take my time and try to really get it but oh well. On top of that I got this veg response to my email from him saying that we would make sure I could finish this class. That is nice but it tells me nothing. What I need is, Hey your under a lot of stress. I will give you an extra week to study and not take anything off. I also have two labs for his class to do yet and they too are do tomorrow. I am so tired and stress and I am trying to get back on my diet and it is making me really crabby. Along with everything else my phone/internet is going in and out on me today and I just don't need that right now. I can't wait till this is all over. I really want to be with mom on mothers day but it is the weekend after my last final and I really didn't want to have to get back there so fast.

Ok, I just needed some vent time. Sorry, I really do appreciate everyone's prayers and support and I know I am blessed I am just having a little trouble ignoring all the crap long enough to see it.

Take care everyone and I will write again after my sanity has returned.

Can we say roller coaster.

Well, so he is doing better again. Today was rough and he still now and again says he wants to to get up but not as forcefully. I could strangle grandma though. I mean at one point he was squirming a little (nothing major) and she asked him if he needed to go potty. ARG, he can't, that is how the whole problem started before, with him wanting to get up and go to the bathroom. I love her and I think she is doing him a lot of good being here but she is hoovering and saying and doing things that are not good for him.

Oh Oh I have to tell you about yesterday. Ok, so he is hooked up to about 30 different machines that all have different buzzers and things that go off for different reasons. One in particular that goes off a lot is attached to a sensor he wears on his ear to measure his blood oxygen level (don't ask me) and the dumb thing keeps falling off. So at first when this happened she would get worried because she didn't know what it was. Then gradually she learned that when it went off a nurse would come in (eventually) push something on his monitor and then clip the thing back on his ear. So yesterday after we got here we are were sitting around the room when it went off. So what does grandma do, she gets up and walks over to his monitor and at first just stares at it. For a while that was all I thought she was going to do. Then, all of the sudden she reaches her hand up and starts to push something. We all stopped her at once and told her she needed to sit. A minute later the nurse came in and did her thing, I thought about saying something but grandma beat me to it. She said "if you just show be what to push I can help you out." I mean come on. What is she thinking. I don't know what to do with her because when the nurse said no you don't touch the monitor that's mine, she just laughed and patted her on the back. Then later on tried to do it again. She is always fiddling with stuff and doesn't seem to understand the importance of everything. For starters the nurse needs to hear that alarm even if it does take her 10 minutes to attend to it and it gets annoying. Second, while it may be just fine to clip that thing back on his ear I would hate myself if I did it wrong and it hurt him in some way. I wish she would just be there and stop trying to do everything.

Anyway I need to go. Dad are I are supposed to head back tomorrow and I don't know how early he is going to want to get up.

Thanks for the phone calls guys, I love you and the support has been great. Also don't hesitate to tell me good news. Just because things are kind of crappy here doesn't mean I want things to be crappy for you too, in fact its just the opposite. Hearing the good stuff helps to block out the bad for a little while.
I'll talk to you soon.
Shae

Ok so I lied

As it turns out I do have internet. They have free WIFI here at the hospital.

So just a quick update. Grandpa is still in the ICU but when we got here yesterday things were looking a lot better. The biggest problem was with getting grandma to rest. She had been here for like 36 hours with no sleep. She kept telling people that she wasn't tired but we are worried she is just running on Adrenalin and is going to crash if she doesn't rest. So anyway mom made a deal with her last night and said if she went home with dad and I she (mom)would stay with grandpa. So she agreed and while I'm not sure how much she slept she came home and seemed to be doing ok. Then this morning we got a call from mom. Grandpa was getting agitated wanting to get up and it was causing his breathing to become more rapid so the nurses told him he had to calm down before he got up. From there it never got better. He keeps saying he feels like he needs to use the bathroom but they have checked his bowls and bladder and say both are empty. So I don't know if this stuff is just mental or if something is physically wrong with him. Anyway he has calmed some but I don't know if he can handle the stress of being here. Clearly he has no choice but something needs to change. He is in so much pain from the broken ribs and everything they move him he winces. I just hope if he doesn't recover that he isn't in this state for weeks first. I don't know how long ribs take to heal but that is making everything else harder.

On a personal note I am doing better. I think the stress of getting here and school and everything was my biggest problem but now that I'm here I am glad. Mom, if no one else needed us and it is good that we can be here for her.

I'll let you know more later.

A real short update beforfe I don't have internet anymore

So mom called this morning and said he is doing some better. His fever dropped for 103 down to 99 so that's good. Also his color is coming back and he is more lucid. It sounds like the good is also some for the bad, things like trying to take his mask off and throw his sheets off of him but at least that is a sign that he is improving because he wasn't doing anything before.

I will update here as I have opportunity.

How the heck are you supposed to figure out what to do when you don't know what to do.

Well my world is turning upside down right now.

Mom had to rush to Quincy a couple of days ago because Grandpa fell after having gotten up in the middle of the night. He blacked out (which is believed to have caused the fall not the other way around) and was taken to the hospital. Upon mom's arrival she was told that he might be going home the next day. Well, that didn't happen. Then they got all the test back and was told that he cracked some ribs and had something wrong with his back that I can't remember right now. Ultimately they decided to move him to Physical Therapy for up to a week and until tonight that was the last I had heard.

So, while in the middle of fixing dinner mom calls and tells dad that he had some kind of spell and now it isn't looking good (I hate that term). I don't know exactly what is going on just that his blood oxygen level is way low and that he all but had a stroke. He has been unresponsive and is in the ICU. They have started calling the family in like this is it. The problem is we don't know if this is really it or not. We are planning to drive up there tomorrow but it would be a 6 hour trip. Anything could happen in that time.

Now for the really frustrating part. I have a big final on Tuesday. I don't know how to feel. I want to say nothing is more important then being there but I don't know what is happening and he could live another 2 years for all I know. If I miss this final I will have to retake this class and we are at the very end. I kind of want to wait but as Dad said, if I do and he passes will I be able to live with the guilt. I just don't know what to do, what to think, I just wasn't ready for this now. He was generally healthy. It isn't like he has been suffering for months and it is good that he won't be in pain. This is just a freak thing. Of course as you know I am a major cryer so that is all I have been doing tonight. I am afraid all I would do is sob the whole time I am there if I do go and from the sound of things Grandma has been doing her fair share of that. I love my grandpa and I have great memories of him but I don't know if I want this memory. I feel like I should want to be there but I really don't. I hate myself for feeling that way. I would want my family with me if I were in his place. I just don't know. I just don't...

So anyway that is where I'm at right now. I would greatly appreciate your prayers. I don't have anything specific just pray. I guess for strength more then anything.

I will keep you informed, I have to go write some teachers and see if I can get some leniency.

Love you guys.
Talk to you soon.