Can we say roller coaster.

Well, so he is doing better again. Today was rough and he still now and again says he wants to to get up but not as forcefully. I could strangle grandma though. I mean at one point he was squirming a little (nothing major) and she asked him if he needed to go potty. ARG, he can't, that is how the whole problem started before, with him wanting to get up and go to the bathroom. I love her and I think she is doing him a lot of good being here but she is hoovering and saying and doing things that are not good for him.

Oh Oh I have to tell you about yesterday. Ok, so he is hooked up to about 30 different machines that all have different buzzers and things that go off for different reasons. One in particular that goes off a lot is attached to a sensor he wears on his ear to measure his blood oxygen level (don't ask me) and the dumb thing keeps falling off. So at first when this happened she would get worried because she didn't know what it was. Then gradually she learned that when it went off a nurse would come in (eventually) push something on his monitor and then clip the thing back on his ear. So yesterday after we got here we are were sitting around the room when it went off. So what does grandma do, she gets up and walks over to his monitor and at first just stares at it. For a while that was all I thought she was going to do. Then, all of the sudden she reaches her hand up and starts to push something. We all stopped her at once and told her she needed to sit. A minute later the nurse came in and did her thing, I thought about saying something but grandma beat me to it. She said "if you just show be what to push I can help you out." I mean come on. What is she thinking. I don't know what to do with her because when the nurse said no you don't touch the monitor that's mine, she just laughed and patted her on the back. Then later on tried to do it again. She is always fiddling with stuff and doesn't seem to understand the importance of everything. For starters the nurse needs to hear that alarm even if it does take her 10 minutes to attend to it and it gets annoying. Second, while it may be just fine to clip that thing back on his ear I would hate myself if I did it wrong and it hurt him in some way. I wish she would just be there and stop trying to do everything.

Anyway I need to go. Dad are I are supposed to head back tomorrow and I don't know how early he is going to want to get up.

Thanks for the phone calls guys, I love you and the support has been great. Also don't hesitate to tell me good news. Just because things are kind of crappy here doesn't mean I want things to be crappy for you too, in fact its just the opposite. Hearing the good stuff helps to block out the bad for a little while.
I'll talk to you soon.
Shae

Ok so I lied

As it turns out I do have internet. They have free WIFI here at the hospital.

So just a quick update. Grandpa is still in the ICU but when we got here yesterday things were looking a lot better. The biggest problem was with getting grandma to rest. She had been here for like 36 hours with no sleep. She kept telling people that she wasn't tired but we are worried she is just running on Adrenalin and is going to crash if she doesn't rest. So anyway mom made a deal with her last night and said if she went home with dad and I she (mom)would stay with grandpa. So she agreed and while I'm not sure how much she slept she came home and seemed to be doing ok. Then this morning we got a call from mom. Grandpa was getting agitated wanting to get up and it was causing his breathing to become more rapid so the nurses told him he had to calm down before he got up. From there it never got better. He keeps saying he feels like he needs to use the bathroom but they have checked his bowls and bladder and say both are empty. So I don't know if this stuff is just mental or if something is physically wrong with him. Anyway he has calmed some but I don't know if he can handle the stress of being here. Clearly he has no choice but something needs to change. He is in so much pain from the broken ribs and everything they move him he winces. I just hope if he doesn't recover that he isn't in this state for weeks first. I don't know how long ribs take to heal but that is making everything else harder.

On a personal note I am doing better. I think the stress of getting here and school and everything was my biggest problem but now that I'm here I am glad. Mom, if no one else needed us and it is good that we can be here for her.

I'll let you know more later.

A real short update beforfe I don't have internet anymore

So mom called this morning and said he is doing some better. His fever dropped for 103 down to 99 so that's good. Also his color is coming back and he is more lucid. It sounds like the good is also some for the bad, things like trying to take his mask off and throw his sheets off of him but at least that is a sign that he is improving because he wasn't doing anything before.

I will update here as I have opportunity.

How the heck are you supposed to figure out what to do when you don't know what to do.

Well my world is turning upside down right now.

Mom had to rush to Quincy a couple of days ago because Grandpa fell after having gotten up in the middle of the night. He blacked out (which is believed to have caused the fall not the other way around) and was taken to the hospital. Upon mom's arrival she was told that he might be going home the next day. Well, that didn't happen. Then they got all the test back and was told that he cracked some ribs and had something wrong with his back that I can't remember right now. Ultimately they decided to move him to Physical Therapy for up to a week and until tonight that was the last I had heard.

So, while in the middle of fixing dinner mom calls and tells dad that he had some kind of spell and now it isn't looking good (I hate that term). I don't know exactly what is going on just that his blood oxygen level is way low and that he all but had a stroke. He has been unresponsive and is in the ICU. They have started calling the family in like this is it. The problem is we don't know if this is really it or not. We are planning to drive up there tomorrow but it would be a 6 hour trip. Anything could happen in that time.

Now for the really frustrating part. I have a big final on Tuesday. I don't know how to feel. I want to say nothing is more important then being there but I don't know what is happening and he could live another 2 years for all I know. If I miss this final I will have to retake this class and we are at the very end. I kind of want to wait but as Dad said, if I do and he passes will I be able to live with the guilt. I just don't know what to do, what to think, I just wasn't ready for this now. He was generally healthy. It isn't like he has been suffering for months and it is good that he won't be in pain. This is just a freak thing. Of course as you know I am a major cryer so that is all I have been doing tonight. I am afraid all I would do is sob the whole time I am there if I do go and from the sound of things Grandma has been doing her fair share of that. I love my grandpa and I have great memories of him but I don't know if I want this memory. I feel like I should want to be there but I really don't. I hate myself for feeling that way. I would want my family with me if I were in his place. I just don't know. I just don't...

So anyway that is where I'm at right now. I would greatly appreciate your prayers. I don't have anything specific just pray. I guess for strength more then anything.

I will keep you informed, I have to go write some teachers and see if I can get some leniency.

Love you guys.
Talk to you soon.

When blogs go bad.

We all love the ability to hop online and let everyone know how were are feeling in no time flat. But there is times when waiting till your emotions are in check is best. There is some old saying about how friends don't let friends drink and dial, clearly a spin off of the drink and drive thing but anyway... so while I don't drink there is a similar idea here. When we are super emotional we tend to express more then we otherwise would. That's why when we have a fight we often say something we regret later.

This brings me back to blogging. Mom and I got into it pretty bad last night. I was as mad as I get. I knew I was right and she wouldn't stop getting mad at me. Without going into the details it was pretty frustrating. It got to the point that I left went to my room and shut myself in for the night. I just sat on my bed crying for like an hour. We are so close and fight so little that when we really fight it is really big.

So what does this have to do with a blog. Well, I was totally ready to hop on here and vent talking about how awful she was and how I couldn't stand being in this house (which is a total lie). But better thinking took over and I decided to just go to bed. When I got up this morning I didn't know where things were at. I had tried to talk normally to her three times last night and they all ended badly. With that I was a little uneasy even going to say good morning. After a while I stuck my head out and when she saw me she said good morning like nothing had happened the night before. It took a little big but after a while she apologized for over reacting. I was suddenly very glad I had not publicly trashed her. The truth is things like blogs quite often get us at our worst and aren't always that true. It is important when we are are making things public as we do when we blog that we really think about what we are saying. It can be therapeutic to get things off our chest through writing them down but it can also leave us with regrets that while they maybe able to be deleted were out there none the less.

Well, I do need to get to bed. Mom and I are going shopping tomorrow (we get over things pretty fast most of the time) so I need to get some sleep.
Love to all

Happy Lucky Valentines Day

So this will be a short one because I am already yawning but I just wanted to leave a quicky.

I was talking to mom today and was saying how lucky it was that Valentines day was on Saturday this year so most people could have the whole day off (unless your my dad of course). However I then thought of something, to have the luck of having a Saturday valentines date you have to have a Friday the 13th, a date known for being unlucky. Just kinda interesting to me. That is once you get past the fact that I don't buy into all that crap lol.

Well, I need some sleep, I have a ton of work to do tomarrow and I haven't been doing so well lately, ok, just one test but it really bugs me.

Later

ok, today there might be nothing to say. But we'll see.

I don't know what I am going to end up talking about in this one. I just really want to start blogging more. I feel a little more in touch this way. Not just with everyone else but with me too. I just like to see what I am going to say. I helps give me insight into what is important to me sometimes, then again sometimes it is just my place to vent of complain. That should change, I mean I am not by any means an unhappy person but many would probably think so by reading my blogs. They tend to come when I am in a bad mood or stressed. I use them to reduce stress true but I think they should be about the good stuff too.

So any way I officially have my first test today. Online but still its a test. I am not dreading it, in fact I feel pretty good about it up to this point anyway. We will see once I have actually taken it. All and all now that I finally have all my books in this semester is going pretty good. I can say that because up to this point I haven't had anything real hard to face. That is about to change as I have a test this week, next week, and then at least 3 the week of march 8th. The good thing about this is that while right now I am a little overwhelmed by the upcoming work it does seem to go by fast. I mean there is no way I feel like I am in my fourth week of school but I am. That means it is already 25% over by the end of this week. I like that I like knowing that I made it through up to this point so I only have 3 more of those to go, those being chunks of time. I don't know if I am going to take my last two classes in the fall for try to take them this summer. It seems like I should be able to do it in the summer as it would only be a combined 4 credit hours but then about I have heard nasty things about this SAD (system analysis and design).

So as you may know already we have been getting quite a bit of snow up here. It is frustrating when we have to go somewhere and the roads are bad but when I am home and inside the warm house I love it. I wanted to build a snowman but it was too dry and wouldn't hold together. I also wanted to throw a snow ball at mom but she gave me a look so I didn't lol.

Anyway I am happy to have gotten some snow this winter but I am also kind of ready to see it go being that it happened two weeks in a row on my class day. I had to miss class last week because of it and this week dad took me which was nice. I had to chill for about 3 hours before it started but it gave me lots of time to get my reading done. Now I just have two more chapters this week and then of course all the homework and the test. I hope to get most of that done today so I can relax this weekend. I loved last weekend. Mom and I got up and went to church on Sunday then came home and got dad, went to UNOs for pizza and then came home and slept if off :)
Then we got up and ran out to pick up some things for the super bowl snacks and got home just in time to fix them and enjoy the game. It was a bit of a bummer as we were all hoping for the cards to take it but since that colts weren't in it there wasn't quite the same disappointment when they lost.



Ok, I need to get going but this was fun. I need to remeber to pop over here more. I let you know how the test went and talk to ya later.