It seems like one of the biggest lessons I learned growing up was never, and I mean never to say I'm bored. The truth is bored don't mean I am tired of doing nothing and I would take anything right now but that is always how it is interpreted, at least that was true as a kid. I would say it and then be given a half a dozen things I could do anywhere from homework to housework. Nothing was more frustrating then to wish you had something fun to do, express that, and then be given chores instead. Because of this I too this day catch myself before saying those two little words, two words that can ruin an already bad day.
As I have gotten older I have found that the same can be true within our parent, child relationship with God. I have always heard that if you'd best not pray for patience unless you are ready for God to give you a situation in which you will need it. God teaches through experiences. The lessons we learn in life are not the kind you can learn by sitting in a class room listening to a teacher tell you how it works. Sure we have some of that in church but none of that talking means anything unless we take it out into the world with us and apply it too our lives. God uses his word and those he has called into the ministry to verbalize his lessons but He doesn't just stop there. He has complete control over what happens in our lives and if He feels there is a message or lesson that we just haven't really gotten He steps in and make sure we have got it. Man if only teachers had the time and resources to do that no child would ever be left behind.
So back to being bored. It may sound mainly like a kid thing, I mean we have more responsibilities now, more freedom to go out if we want, but lets face it, we all still have out moment of being bored. But now when I catch myself thinking, man I wish I had something to do, I stop myself and think about the fact that just because Mom isn't going to hear my thoughts and come hand me a list of stuff that needs washed or picked up doesn't mean there still isn't someone listening. Before I start (mentally) whining about having nothing to do I need to consider the fact that I am really being blessed right now and that soon enough I may be begging for this time to chill.
All that said, I have been sitting here thinking about what I should do, I know that no matter how much my mind wants me to think there is nothing to do right now, realistically I have a room that is a mess (not to mention a house) and sewing projects I have been putting off because they just aren't as interesting as I might like (mending pants and the like), or about 3 loads of laundry that I could be doing. Its interesting that instead of catching myself from saying I'm bored so that Mom wont give me a list of things to do, I myself and giving myself that list. A sign, of growing up I assume, what a bummer.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
How about too much to say.
So I have been wanting to post again so as not to let myself get completely out of the habit. My problem this time is that I have so much going on that I haven't been able to focus it in on one thing to talk about.
I have always had a tendency to be a little long winded but today I actually go told by facebook while in a chat session that my message was too long. How dare they. That in mind my goal here is to hit on 10 things but keep it as short and sweet as possible.
So here we go.
1. Grandma is nuts. That may sound mean but trust me it isn't intended that way. We love her and are doing our best to do the best for her as this crappy disease takes its course. I described it as I did for two reasons. First I could spend ages going on and on about the specifics and this thing would be 3 pages long which is what I am trying to avoid, and two, one of the best ways we have found to coupe with this is humor.
2. I love magnets. Not to much explanation needed there, I think there cool and I just got a new magnetic dry erase board and a set of cute little magnets that look like push pins which is really neat.I literally spent an hour the other day playing with writing and erasing stuff and attaching the magnets to the board and to each other. Lame, maybe, fun, defiantly.
3. I sewed (that doesn't seem right) two bed skirt pockets together and it only took me 3 hours! Ok, so I hope you got that sarcasm there. To explain briefly, I had these two bed pocket things that were held in place by this 2 foot peace of fabric placed between the mattress and the box springs. They were always falling out so I got the idea to attach them to each other. Seemed simple, cut a piece of fabric to the size needed to make them go all the way across the bed and sew both sides together. Well, lets just say I had to cut the piece out twice and then I decided to get fancy and press and hem the edges under, why I don't know, and because of that almost had to cut a third piece.
4. I got a new hair cut. Nothing crazy, just my norm for the summer, just a little later then normal. I keep meaning to try to get a pic to post but I want to style it up cute and I haven't had the chance yet.
5. My room is about to drive me crazy. I have been trying to clean my room and get it organized ever since I had it painted and it is sad really but I think its getting worse. I am going crazy trying to figure out where all the pictures are going and so in the mean time they are just sitting all around the room. On top of that I now have a folding table acting as a sewing table plus the ironing board set up in there which isn't helping anything.
6. I bought a book on making window treatments the other day. I would like to start on something small and see where we get but at this rate I am afraid I will be married and no longer living here by the time I am able to make my curtians. I have confidence in my ability to use the sewing machine, its the stupid cutting in a straight line that keeps messing me up. Not to mention that old carpenters adage, measure twice cut once, well, for me it is more like measure 10 times and then still cut 2 or 3. Oh well, if practice makes perfect I should be friken awesome soon!
7. I have been looking for a new laptop for, oh, I'd say going on a year now (I wish I were joking) and I am about to go nuts. All I want is a 14" jobber with a cd/dvd drive, at least 3 GB of ram and no less then 5 hours of battery life for around 400 bucks, 500 if it had just slightly more then that on the ram and or battery life. I have found a 15.6 that has all that for 449 but I really wanted something that would be easier to tote around. Sadly most of those are going for between 700 to 1000. That is just not an option so I am starting to think is might be time to settle.
8. I am loving our new french door fridge and even though the freezer is taking some getting used to I would not go back for anything. I love just for once not having to worry about something getting shoved to the back on the bottom out of sight and turning into some weird experiment. I also love having an ice maker again. I missed it so much. Plus now the ice is made with filtered water and I can add it to my drink with out getting some weird flavor.
9. I am loving our newest gadgets. If you don't know this about me already and am a gadget person. Don't always like that about me but what can I say. I love em. Any how past experience has made me research a bit more before taking the plunge. I did cheat on that rule by going ahead and buy the new Hamilton beach half pint ice cream maker. You put these bowls in the freezer (each holds 12 oz and it comes with two), then you just mix up the ice cream and the paddle top churns it for about 10 to 15 mins and u get a pretty good bowl of soft serve consistency ice cream. I also got a HB Snowman ice shaver which while not quite the same is the closest to a sno biz I have had since we moved. Finally the Redi set go, a cool little cooker, not perfect but fun to play with now and again.
10. I wish I could say I have a big grand final for 10 but I don't. In fact this may be the shortest one yet. The thing I like best about blogging and all these different forms of online communication we have is that I can just tell my friends and or family the same little things that I would if I saw them every day. So here it is, I picked up a cute apron (I'm so sick of ruining clothes while cooking) the other day and I just had to share. It has a picture of a grill stitched onto it with the words "You go Grill" on it. Its a cheap little guy I picked up for 5 bucks at a dollar store up here but I love it. Broke it in for the first time the other night while I made my big dinner which I will post about another time.
Ok, so that was still pretty long, maybe the FB error message was right about me, then again, who cares! Love yall
I have always had a tendency to be a little long winded but today I actually go told by facebook while in a chat session that my message was too long. How dare they. That in mind my goal here is to hit on 10 things but keep it as short and sweet as possible.
So here we go.
1. Grandma is nuts. That may sound mean but trust me it isn't intended that way. We love her and are doing our best to do the best for her as this crappy disease takes its course. I described it as I did for two reasons. First I could spend ages going on and on about the specifics and this thing would be 3 pages long which is what I am trying to avoid, and two, one of the best ways we have found to coupe with this is humor.
2. I love magnets. Not to much explanation needed there, I think there cool and I just got a new magnetic dry erase board and a set of cute little magnets that look like push pins which is really neat.I literally spent an hour the other day playing with writing and erasing stuff and attaching the magnets to the board and to each other. Lame, maybe, fun, defiantly.
3. I sewed (that doesn't seem right) two bed skirt pockets together and it only took me 3 hours! Ok, so I hope you got that sarcasm there. To explain briefly, I had these two bed pocket things that were held in place by this 2 foot peace of fabric placed between the mattress and the box springs. They were always falling out so I got the idea to attach them to each other. Seemed simple, cut a piece of fabric to the size needed to make them go all the way across the bed and sew both sides together. Well, lets just say I had to cut the piece out twice and then I decided to get fancy and press and hem the edges under, why I don't know, and because of that almost had to cut a third piece.
4. I got a new hair cut. Nothing crazy, just my norm for the summer, just a little later then normal. I keep meaning to try to get a pic to post but I want to style it up cute and I haven't had the chance yet.
5. My room is about to drive me crazy. I have been trying to clean my room and get it organized ever since I had it painted and it is sad really but I think its getting worse. I am going crazy trying to figure out where all the pictures are going and so in the mean time they are just sitting all around the room. On top of that I now have a folding table acting as a sewing table plus the ironing board set up in there which isn't helping anything.
6. I bought a book on making window treatments the other day. I would like to start on something small and see where we get but at this rate I am afraid I will be married and no longer living here by the time I am able to make my curtians. I have confidence in my ability to use the sewing machine, its the stupid cutting in a straight line that keeps messing me up. Not to mention that old carpenters adage, measure twice cut once, well, for me it is more like measure 10 times and then still cut 2 or 3. Oh well, if practice makes perfect I should be friken awesome soon!
7. I have been looking for a new laptop for, oh, I'd say going on a year now (I wish I were joking) and I am about to go nuts. All I want is a 14" jobber with a cd/dvd drive, at least 3 GB of ram and no less then 5 hours of battery life for around 400 bucks, 500 if it had just slightly more then that on the ram and or battery life. I have found a 15.6 that has all that for 449 but I really wanted something that would be easier to tote around. Sadly most of those are going for between 700 to 1000. That is just not an option so I am starting to think is might be time to settle.
8. I am loving our new french door fridge and even though the freezer is taking some getting used to I would not go back for anything. I love just for once not having to worry about something getting shoved to the back on the bottom out of sight and turning into some weird experiment. I also love having an ice maker again. I missed it so much. Plus now the ice is made with filtered water and I can add it to my drink with out getting some weird flavor.
9. I am loving our newest gadgets. If you don't know this about me already and am a gadget person. Don't always like that about me but what can I say. I love em. Any how past experience has made me research a bit more before taking the plunge. I did cheat on that rule by going ahead and buy the new Hamilton beach half pint ice cream maker. You put these bowls in the freezer (each holds 12 oz and it comes with two), then you just mix up the ice cream and the paddle top churns it for about 10 to 15 mins and u get a pretty good bowl of soft serve consistency ice cream. I also got a HB Snowman ice shaver which while not quite the same is the closest to a sno biz I have had since we moved. Finally the Redi set go, a cool little cooker, not perfect but fun to play with now and again.
10. I wish I could say I have a big grand final for 10 but I don't. In fact this may be the shortest one yet. The thing I like best about blogging and all these different forms of online communication we have is that I can just tell my friends and or family the same little things that I would if I saw them every day. So here it is, I picked up a cute apron (I'm so sick of ruining clothes while cooking) the other day and I just had to share. It has a picture of a grill stitched onto it with the words "You go Grill" on it. Its a cheap little guy I picked up for 5 bucks at a dollar store up here but I love it. Broke it in for the first time the other night while I made my big dinner which I will post about another time.
Ok, so that was still pretty long, maybe the FB error message was right about me, then again, who cares! Love yall
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Back in the saddle again, well, at least in the stable.
So I know its been a long time since a post so I thought I would use everyone elses post as insparation to get going again. I plan to start posting my sewing projects (such as they are) like Jordan, but for now I am ripping off Jessica's survey thingy even though I swore off them after months of wasting time with them on myspace. It aint much but it's a start.
1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Its my gray colts hoodie, can't wait till its cold enough to wear it again.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yeah, if he's nice. Gave Dad a peck on the cheek when he left for work the other day.
4.Do you plan outfits? A, yeah. Every holiday has its theam.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Well, I have a dry throat and lips and I need to go to the bathroom, too much inforation?
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? The ATI sticker on my laptop.
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? Its been a long time since I've said either but I thing I used to say A-I-M.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Well this is sad. I dream almost every night and some of them are really interesting but right now I can't remember any of them.
9. Did you meet anybody new today? no
10. What are you craving right now? Actually a glass of milk. I have wanted some all night and never got any.
11. Do you floss? When I have food stuck in my teeth yeah.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? well this is kind of hard since I just read jess's answer and of course it made me think of cold slaw but if it had not been for her answer I think I would have said egg roll, but that could just be another food that has cabbage in it. Who knows.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim? Been longer then I can think.
14. Are you emotional? Totally. It is really frustraing when you can't watch a commercial or have a simple conversation with someone with out choaking up.
15. Would you dance to the taco song? I would have to know what it is before I agreed.
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? If I did I can't remember. Knowing me I would have just given up before I got there even if I tried.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Oh my word lick it. If I tried to bite it my sorry teeth would kill me.
18. Do you like your hair? Some day yes, many days no.
19. Do you like yourself? As a whole yes, I have traits I would like to change.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity? No
21. Do you like cottage cheese? No
22. What are you listening to right now? Rudy explain to Cliff why she wants to be the sun and not the wind in her ballet dance.
23. How many countries have you visited? Canada, Hong Kong, Korea, England... I guess that makes 4.
24. Are your parents strict? Not really, just enough that I turned out good.
25. Would you go sky diving? No
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Yes, as long as I could keep myself from acting like a fool.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him? No, and I take offense to the fact that this is even a question. Not everyone dislikes him and even if you do he was still our president and he deserves respect. The same way I would not throw potatos at our current president just because I disapprove of his practices.
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? Yep, I have a cute little bird cage thingy that has sparkly birds in it that my aunt gave me.
29. Have you ever been in a castle? I think we were in London.
30. Do you rent movies often? From Netflix yeah.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? not in school anymore, thank the good Lord! (Dito)
32. Have you made a prank phone call? no
33. Do you own a gun? no
34. Can you count backwards from 74? I haven't tried lately but I think so.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight? Mom and Dad
36. Brown or white eggs? What ever, we normally get white but I have eatten both.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nope
38. Ever been on a train? yes, the last time was in Canada.
39. Ever been in love? Not with a man, I love people but I have yet to be In Love.
40. Do you have a cell-phone? Yep
41. Are you too forgiving? No, probably the other way at times.
42. Do you use chap stick? am using it right now.
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? I don't know cause I live to far away from all of them.
44. Can you use chop sticks? Yes, picked that up in Hong Kong.
45. Ever have cream puffs? Not sure what are they.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? No
47. What was the last question you asked? Not sure but I prob asked mom something about what our plans for tomorrow were.
48. What was the last CD you bought? I think it was a savage garden cd.
49. Boys or girls? Girls, I still don't get boys. lol
50. Did you ride the bus at school? Just in kindergarden
51. Is your hair curly? Nope
52. Last time you cried? Today, stupid movie.
53. Ever walked into a wall? yes
54. Do looks matter? They shouldn't no, its sad that even when you know that it is hard to not consider them.
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? No
56. Have you ever slapped someone? probably my brother when we were younger (ok I had to comment to this one, I can atest to the fact that yes you did indeed slap the tar out of clark once, freaked that crap out of me) As for me I don't know about slap but I have popped dad on the back of the head a few times.
57. Favorite time of the year? Fall fall fall fall fall, oh I can't wait for fall.
58. Favorite color? Blue with a little green in it, like teal.
59. Are you sarcastic? Sigh, yes very.
60. Do you have any tattoos? no way no how, I am convinced that the bible says it is wrong even though there are many that say that it doesn't count because it is in the old testament.
61. The last person you held hands with? I'm not sure, I think I held moms hand the other day.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on? nope, Yep, its on right now, though I do think I sleep better with it off.
63. Where was your default picture taken at? I took it in our appartment in Mom and dads room.
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Hate no, Dislike probably.
65. Do you like your life right now? Its fine, a little in limbo at the moment.
66. How often do you talk on the phone? Almost every day.
67. What is your favorite animal? cat
68. What was the most recent thing you bought? I didn't pay for it but I picked up chinese for dinner tonight.
69. Do you have good vision? No, not natually.
70. Can you hula hoop? No
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Can't say but I think so.
72. Do you have a job? no
73. Can you handle the truth? Most of the time, I need the truth all of the time whether or not I can handle it.
74. What are you wearing? A navy knit top.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window? When I was younger and we lock ourselves out of the house.
1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Its my gray colts hoodie, can't wait till its cold enough to wear it again.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yeah, if he's nice. Gave Dad a peck on the cheek when he left for work the other day.
4.Do you plan outfits? A, yeah. Every holiday has its theam.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Well, I have a dry throat and lips and I need to go to the bathroom, too much inforation?
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? The ATI sticker on my laptop.
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? Its been a long time since I've said either but I thing I used to say A-I-M.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Well this is sad. I dream almost every night and some of them are really interesting but right now I can't remember any of them.
9. Did you meet anybody new today? no
10. What are you craving right now? Actually a glass of milk. I have wanted some all night and never got any.
11. Do you floss? When I have food stuck in my teeth yeah.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? well this is kind of hard since I just read jess's answer and of course it made me think of cold slaw but if it had not been for her answer I think I would have said egg roll, but that could just be another food that has cabbage in it. Who knows.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim? Been longer then I can think.
14. Are you emotional? Totally. It is really frustraing when you can't watch a commercial or have a simple conversation with someone with out choaking up.
15. Would you dance to the taco song? I would have to know what it is before I agreed.
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? If I did I can't remember. Knowing me I would have just given up before I got there even if I tried.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Oh my word lick it. If I tried to bite it my sorry teeth would kill me.
18. Do you like your hair? Some day yes, many days no.
19. Do you like yourself? As a whole yes, I have traits I would like to change.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity? No
21. Do you like cottage cheese? No
22. What are you listening to right now? Rudy explain to Cliff why she wants to be the sun and not the wind in her ballet dance.
23. How many countries have you visited? Canada, Hong Kong, Korea, England... I guess that makes 4.
24. Are your parents strict? Not really, just enough that I turned out good.
25. Would you go sky diving? No
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Yes, as long as I could keep myself from acting like a fool.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him? No, and I take offense to the fact that this is even a question. Not everyone dislikes him and even if you do he was still our president and he deserves respect. The same way I would not throw potatos at our current president just because I disapprove of his practices.
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? Yep, I have a cute little bird cage thingy that has sparkly birds in it that my aunt gave me.
29. Have you ever been in a castle? I think we were in London.
30. Do you rent movies often? From Netflix yeah.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? not in school anymore, thank the good Lord! (Dito)
32. Have you made a prank phone call? no
33. Do you own a gun? no
34. Can you count backwards from 74? I haven't tried lately but I think so.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight? Mom and Dad
36. Brown or white eggs? What ever, we normally get white but I have eatten both.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nope
38. Ever been on a train? yes, the last time was in Canada.
39. Ever been in love? Not with a man, I love people but I have yet to be In Love.
40. Do you have a cell-phone? Yep
41. Are you too forgiving? No, probably the other way at times.
42. Do you use chap stick? am using it right now.
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? I don't know cause I live to far away from all of them.
44. Can you use chop sticks? Yes, picked that up in Hong Kong.
45. Ever have cream puffs? Not sure what are they.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? No
47. What was the last question you asked? Not sure but I prob asked mom something about what our plans for tomorrow were.
48. What was the last CD you bought? I think it was a savage garden cd.
49. Boys or girls? Girls, I still don't get boys. lol
50. Did you ride the bus at school? Just in kindergarden
51. Is your hair curly? Nope
52. Last time you cried? Today, stupid movie.
53. Ever walked into a wall? yes
54. Do looks matter? They shouldn't no, its sad that even when you know that it is hard to not consider them.
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? No
56. Have you ever slapped someone? probably my brother when we were younger (ok I had to comment to this one, I can atest to the fact that yes you did indeed slap the tar out of clark once, freaked that crap out of me) As for me I don't know about slap but I have popped dad on the back of the head a few times.
57. Favorite time of the year? Fall fall fall fall fall, oh I can't wait for fall.
58. Favorite color? Blue with a little green in it, like teal.
59. Are you sarcastic? Sigh, yes very.
60. Do you have any tattoos? no way no how, I am convinced that the bible says it is wrong even though there are many that say that it doesn't count because it is in the old testament.
61. The last person you held hands with? I'm not sure, I think I held moms hand the other day.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on? nope, Yep, its on right now, though I do think I sleep better with it off.
63. Where was your default picture taken at? I took it in our appartment in Mom and dads room.
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Hate no, Dislike probably.
65. Do you like your life right now? Its fine, a little in limbo at the moment.
66. How often do you talk on the phone? Almost every day.
67. What is your favorite animal? cat
68. What was the most recent thing you bought? I didn't pay for it but I picked up chinese for dinner tonight.
69. Do you have good vision? No, not natually.
70. Can you hula hoop? No
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Can't say but I think so.
72. Do you have a job? no
73. Can you handle the truth? Most of the time, I need the truth all of the time whether or not I can handle it.
74. What are you wearing? A navy knit top.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window? When I was younger and we lock ourselves out of the house.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Writting in a good mood for a change.
So I had a pretty good day today and I so often wait to write something until I am upset that I thought this would be a nice change of pace.
It honestly didn't start out so good with me and Dad sniping at each other and then my frustrating redirecting at mom and getting her upset at me. But then again it was early and I was tired and cranky, it all wore off quickly I got nicer eventually.
After we took dad to work we went to possible one of my favorite stores to just shop in and spend money on stupid stuff. I spent 11 dollars today and bought a pair of earrings, a footprints in the sand pin, a Winnie the pooh magnet set (I said it was stupid stuff), and small thing of yarn and a set of double pointed knitting needles which (for those of you playing along) are for knitting on a round (aka a continued knit that creates a tube).
I then was successful in making a cup cozy after spending only a few minutes reading about these things online, oh yeah and a few hours of knitting, but still not bad and it turned out cool looking.
Of course the bright point of the day was picking up my cap and gown. It is so awesome doing this again. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it at first but now I am really excited. I tried everything on earlier and it looked so cool together. I have my cap, tassel, gown, this little scarf like thing that I think goes in the back, and my PTK shawl that looks really sharp with it. I just love getting all done up in it. I am supposed to get honer cords at the ceremony too which I am looking forward to adding to the outfit (am I a girl or what).
Anyway it was just a good day and I am looking forward to telling you about our great trip when I have more time.
Love ya'll
It honestly didn't start out so good with me and Dad sniping at each other and then my frustrating redirecting at mom and getting her upset at me. But then again it was early and I was tired and cranky, it all wore off quickly I got nicer eventually.
After we took dad to work we went to possible one of my favorite stores to just shop in and spend money on stupid stuff. I spent 11 dollars today and bought a pair of earrings, a footprints in the sand pin, a Winnie the pooh magnet set (I said it was stupid stuff), and small thing of yarn and a set of double pointed knitting needles which (for those of you playing along) are for knitting on a round (aka a continued knit that creates a tube).
I then was successful in making a cup cozy after spending only a few minutes reading about these things online, oh yeah and a few hours of knitting, but still not bad and it turned out cool looking.
Of course the bright point of the day was picking up my cap and gown. It is so awesome doing this again. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it at first but now I am really excited. I tried everything on earlier and it looked so cool together. I have my cap, tassel, gown, this little scarf like thing that I think goes in the back, and my PTK shawl that looks really sharp with it. I just love getting all done up in it. I am supposed to get honer cords at the ceremony too which I am looking forward to adding to the outfit (am I a girl or what).
Anyway it was just a good day and I am looking forward to telling you about our great trip when I have more time.
Love ya'll
Monday, March 22, 2010
OK, and so that's why I have a rule
So things are way better tonight. I knew I shouldn't post something public until I had calmed down but on the other hand I think in some way it helped and reading your comments did too. That said things actually got much better between mom and I. I went in to deliver my half felt apology and got a surprise. She said she had done a lot of thinking about it and I was RIGHT! So nice to hear once and a while lol. She said that it was important and if I wanted to send them out I should. We talked about how it was for her growing up and how Grandma has always been about this sort of thing. Very much the type that always (and I mean always) feels like she needs to send a check for everything from a wedding of a 3rd cousin to a funeral to a, you guessed it, graduation announcement. On top of that she is also the kind of person that will hold a grudge against someone if they don't send a thank you card back which has made some waves within my family as the Loper side is very much opposite. For years grandma would bring up the fact that she sent Gran a check when Gran-Dad died and never heard anything back, I agree that showing appreciation is important but I don't think it has to be done for the form of a thank you card and I personally have a major problem with someone expecting it from a person that has just lost someone. After Grandpa's funeral Mom had to help get all the thank you cards out and Grandma obsessed over it the whole time. So stressful when you have so many other things going on. Anyway my point is that while mom doesn't take quite the extrema side that the Loper side of the family has she does recognize that grandma is often overboard on these things are seen that she has to change some of that within herself.
So we are planning to go looking for stuff in the next week or two. I wanted to make them myself seeing as how the ones through the school (well actually Herff Jones) are kinda pricey unless you need like 100 of them. Besides, I like the crating the look and putting them together myself. I just hope the printer cooperates seeing as we seem to have a printer curse on this house. My grandpa had the same one for like 10 years and in that time we have gone though 4 and are on our 5th. I even broke the 5th trying to clear a paper jam (failed to read the label that said do not pull out from the front) but have found a little MacGyverism that makes it work again.
Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I think things will get much better when I can actually start looking for work and not have to worry about it as much. We all agreed I would wait until this next trip to Colorado (hate to think it might be our last family vacation). I will probably talk to the adviser at the career center right before so I can get on the ball when we get back.
Talk to yall later, I have to go tend to my farm, restaurants and make sure my cat hasn't run off to the pound again. Later!
So we are planning to go looking for stuff in the next week or two. I wanted to make them myself seeing as how the ones through the school (well actually Herff Jones) are kinda pricey unless you need like 100 of them. Besides, I like the crating the look and putting them together myself. I just hope the printer cooperates seeing as we seem to have a printer curse on this house. My grandpa had the same one for like 10 years and in that time we have gone though 4 and are on our 5th. I even broke the 5th trying to clear a paper jam (failed to read the label that said do not pull out from the front) but have found a little MacGyverism that makes it work again.
Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I think things will get much better when I can actually start looking for work and not have to worry about it as much. We all agreed I would wait until this next trip to Colorado (hate to think it might be our last family vacation). I will probably talk to the adviser at the career center right before so I can get on the ball when we get back.
Talk to yall later, I have to go tend to my farm, restaurants and make sure my cat hasn't run off to the pound again. Later!
Part 5 - If your still reading this I'm impressed.
Well, if you made it this far I’m impressed. I wish I could have written my papers this quickly.
The wrap up here is a little loose because as I said when I started I didn’t wait till anything was resolved to start writing. I’m sure as is common with us the by the end of the day mom and I will be acting like nothing happened, after some lame apology on both sides. Once again I will go back to repressing the fears I am dealing with because there is no point in stirring up that bees nest again. Eventually as it does for everyone this too will work itself out. I know I will get out there and in Gods time I will find a job. I just pray for the self confidence I need to make it through the interview process without making at fool out of myself. I have something to offer and I will find a place that is looking for a cheap newbie that will give me the experience I need.
I do want to ask your opinions on one thing if nothing else. Am I wrong to want to send out announcements just as a means to say hey, I did this and I want to share that with my friends and family, and do they just send a message of asking for gifts.
The wrap up here is a little loose because as I said when I started I didn’t wait till anything was resolved to start writing. I’m sure as is common with us the by the end of the day mom and I will be acting like nothing happened, after some lame apology on both sides. Once again I will go back to repressing the fears I am dealing with because there is no point in stirring up that bees nest again. Eventually as it does for everyone this too will work itself out. I know I will get out there and in Gods time I will find a job. I just pray for the self confidence I need to make it through the interview process without making at fool out of myself. I have something to offer and I will find a place that is looking for a cheap newbie that will give me the experience I need.
I do want to ask your opinions on one thing if nothing else. Am I wrong to want to send out announcements just as a means to say hey, I did this and I want to share that with my friends and family, and do they just send a message of asking for gifts.
Part 4 - The root of the problem and why I am having trouble knowing who to talk to.
I guess it all comes back to the common fear of, now I’ve graduated and its time to fly or fall, sink or swim, succeed or fail. I know that everyone feels this way and it’s nothing new but I also think that when we are going through it we all feel like we are the only ones to ever go though this. It is amazing to me that our minds can know something is not true but our emotions and insecurities can convinces us otherwise. So when it comes down to it these announcements are my way of making myself feel like I really achieved something and every time she would shoot them down it was like her saying that my degree was no big deal. And just to clarify I realize that I did achieve something, with or without the announcements and that she in no uncertain words meant for me to feel like that was what she was saying, it just comes back to what tricks our emotions can play on us. The root of the problem is that I still sit here thinking I need someone to talk to and I don’t know who. Mom is clearly out as I ended our argument with “And this is why I don’t talk about anything important” and her saying I talk all the time but clearly not really getting what I was saying. Dad is so not the one as he cannot handle crying. He has improved in the last 20 years but still there is know way he can give me constructive advice or support. Like I said before I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to Michelle, especially since she has had a job for the last 10 years and doesn’t have that recent experience of not knowing where her life was going. You guys know I love you and I am not sending out this cry for help or pretending you never talk to me about anything. I just don’t know how to get this kind of thing worked out in a 20 min phone call or even over the phone at all. As it is it is taking me 2 hours to write this because I have to keep calming down and blowing my nose and making myself stop crying because that makes it really hard to read what I am typing. It doesn’t help to talk to someone on the phone if all your going to do is cry at them. All the family and friends removed I considered other sources like career councilors at the school but I really don’t want to go talk to them just to end up end tears and embarrass myself. I can’t afford a emotional councilor and am not comfortable enough with our churches pastor to even consider that. Overall that problem may simply be that I am not sure what help I want anyway. All my life I have learned that if you don’t want help you sure as heck better not ask for it. If you tell someone you wish you could learn to play the piano and they are a teacher you best be ready to give up an hour every day to practice. If you tell a friend you want to get to know someone they know sometime you better be ready for them to drag you over and introduce you. If I am wanting help in finding a job and getting experience then I need to make sure I am ready to take the plunge. All of this is true because of the second thing in life I have learned, if someone tries to help you and you pull back and say no I’m not ready, one of two things will happen. 1. they will push you into it ready or not or 2. they will back off and not be so willing to help in the future. Either way this can ruin a relationship whether personal or professional.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)