Emotional baggage part 1 of ... we'll see how many. Title Past Sick

*a little note here, this started as one longggggg blog but due to a suggestion of jordans, I am breaking it up into smaller sections making each only slightly longer the War and Peace.*

So I generally believe that doing anything when highly emotional is a bad idea. I have a no arguing rule when we are in the car because lets face it, going 70 down the highway and getting tense or in my case crying is never a good thing. I typically feel like you need to stop whatever your doing and sit alone for a bit to calm down before doing anything, you are less likely to say something you will regret and if you do, no one is around to here it.

Unfortunately I am about to break my own rule with this one. I am already off to a crappy day and, for me at least, is has just started. I'm going through a major homesick phase if you can even call it that. I don't really consider myself home sick because for some unknown reason I really do consider this home now. I created my own version of this a while back which I call past sick. I am one of the biggest creatures of habit you will ever meet and for the most part deplore (I think that's the right word) change. More then missing where I am or who I am away from I miss the time I am in and often wish I could go back to when we were all in high school, able to drive and thus get together on our own but not at the point of having so many responsibilities. I don't like the process of trying to find new friends when my best memories are with those I've had for a long as I can remember. I am learning how to make acquaintances but still so unclear how to build a life long relationship with someone I see once every few weeks. Church would help if I weren't me. I go in I sit down and when its over I leave. I don't even do that often enough, in small part due to the fact that walking through the halls passing people that all know each other and are standing around chatting with one another and making plans to go our to lunch hurts in a way that is hard to explain if you haven't felt it for yourself.